Holidays with the Avengers
by ElvenPrincessOfNarnia -Kate
Summary: The title says it all. Features a compilation of one-shots starring the Avengers, SHIELD, and others. Pairings: Clint/Natasha, Loki/Darcy, Thor/Jane, Pepper/Tony.
1. Thanksgiving

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. The Avengers do not belong to me. At all.**

_**No slash. Never, ever, ever slash.**_

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><p>"You go first, Clint." Steve prodded a daydreaming, drooling Clint with his fork. Clint immediately snapped out of his reverie.<p>

"What are we doing again?" he asked dazedly, sniffing the delicious aroma of Thanksgiving-dinner-in-the-making wafting through Stark Tower.

"We're sharing what we're thankful for." Tony said, plopping down on the couch next to him and turning on the television.

"Wait, why do I have to go first?" Clint scowled. "Also, you ended a sentence with a preposition, Tony."

Now it was Tony's turn to scowl.

"Grammar Nazi." he whispered under his breath.

"I heard that."

Tony sighed. Suddenly, his head snapped up to look at Thor, who was walking into the living room.

"Thor!" Tony bellowed, vaulting over the couch to grab the box of Pop-tarts out of his hands.

"What?" the blond-haired warrior asked innocently, hugging the box to his chest protectively.

"One does not simply eat _Pop-tarts_ before Thanksgiving dinner!" Tony berated.

"I understood that reference!" Steve cried happily from the couch.

"Good for you." Clint rolled his eyes.

"Thanks, _Legolas_." Steve shot back. Clint merely shrugged.

Thor looked at the three men, his forehead wrinkled in concentration and bewilderment.

"I do not understand your Midgardian references." he pouted slightly.

Clint, Tony, and Steve stared at him.

"You've never seen _Lord of the Rings?"_ they cried incredulously.

"No." he replied. "And why can I not eat Pop-tarts?"

"Because our dear ladies slaving over the oven would not be pleased if you ruined your appetite for dinner, brother." Loki replied as he sauntered into the room and settled into an armchair. Even though he had tried to take over the world only two years earlier, the Avengers and SHIELD had gradually forgiven and accepted him. Almost. As a result, Loki had tried to be on his best behavior. Now, he was happily, or not so happily, working as a SHIELD agent along with Thor and the other Avengers. Now, SHIELD was even considering him to join the Avengers Initiative.

"I'll go first." Loki said softly. The other men stared at him.

"Really, Loki?" Thor asked. "You are going to tell us that you are _thankful _for something?"

"I'm thankful for that." Clint smirked. Loki sent him a death-glare.

"I said I would go first."

"Well I was supposed to go first. According to Cap over there." Clint pointed to Steve.

Loki rolled his eyes. "Anyway, I'm thankful to be here with all of you."

"Aww. Thanks Reindeer Games." Tony laughed.

Clint's stomach growled. "I'm hungry. When are we going to eat?"

"I agree." Thor grumbled. "I wonder if the ladies are done in the kitchen."

Meanwhile...

"Are the marshmallows on top of the sweet potatoes supposed to be black, Pepper?" Natasha asked, peeking into the oven.

"Oh no!" Pepper cried, rushing over to the oven. "They're burnt now!"

Natasha sighed. She had been many things in her life. An assassin, a SHIELD agent, a hero, but never a cook. Ever.

"Well, we'll just have to make them again." Jane smiled, putting a comforting hand on Natasha's shoulder. She mouthed "It's OK" to the worried redhead.

"Don't worry." Darcy added, dumping the potatoes into a mixing bowl and took out an electric mixer. "Me, Clint or Bruce will eat them anyway. Burnt marshmallows are for real men!"

"Well that rules you out, Darcy." Jane snickered.

Darcy stuck her tongue out at Jane and finished mixing the mashed potatoes. Suddenly, they heard an explosion coming from the other side of the kitchen. A cranberry sauce-covered Bruce sheepishly set down the broken can of cranberry sauce on the counter and exited the kitchen.

"I hope we have more cranberry sauce." Pepper sighed. "That's the tenth can he's smashed today."

"Oh look, the turkey's almost done!" Natasha cried, pointing to the turkey indicator.

"Oh no!" everyone else in the kitchen cried.

"We're nowhere near done the rest of the meal!" Pepper pouted. The women sprang to action. Half an hour later, their preparations were complete.

"Dinner time, guys!" Darcy called into the living room. The men raced each other into the elegantly set dining room.

Tony began gushing praise for the decorations and delicious-looking meal. "Wow, girls, this looks amazing. I bet it _tastes_ even better than it looks!"

"I hope so!" Natasha smiled. "We slaved all afternoon to make this for you."

Jane smacked Thor's hand as he reached for a roll. "Sit down and behave yourself. No eating yet!"

Everyone sat down at the table.

"Wait!" Pepper shouted, before Steve was going to pray. "We have to wait for the others!"

Just then, Nick Fury, Agent Maria Hill, and Agent Phil Coulson walked in the door.

"Sorry we're late." Maria whispered to Pepper as she sat down. "Fury had some urgent business to finish."

Steve looked at the rest of the guests at the table.

"Let's pray." he said. Everyone bowed their heads.

_"Dear Lord, thank you that we are all here together. Thank you that no aliens or super villains have overrun America this year. Thank you for this wonderful food before us, and for the amazing people who made it. Amen."_

"Amen." everyone chorused.

Thor dug into his food enthusiastically.

"It is good!" he bellowed.

"I'm just thankful this isn't lembas bread." Clint muttered.

"What's with all the _Lord of the Rings _references today?" Tony complained.

Clint shrugged and took another bite of turkey.

After everyone finished eating to their heart's content, Pepper offered pie.

"Let's go around the table and say thankfuls first, Pep." Tony suggested. He groaned and grabbed his stomach. "I'm too full right now to eat pie anyway."

"OK."

"Clint, you go first this time." Steve demanded, a smile flitting across his face.

"But I already went!" Clint protested.

"Go again." Loki smirked.

Clint sighed. "I'm thankful for my wife, Natasha."

"Aww." Jane gushed.

"Your turn, Jane." Clint teased.

"I'm thankful to be here with my two best friends, Thor and Darcy." Jane stated. "Your turn, Thor."

"What do I do?" Thor whispered in her ear.

"Tell everyone what you're thankful for." Jane replied out loud. She silenced Clint with a glare.

"OK. I am thankful for Lady Jane and that my brother could be here with us tonight." Thor announced, a grin spreading across his face. "Now, what do I do, Lady Jane?"

"Pick someone to go next." Jane answered.

"Alright. Brother, you go next!" Thor boomed.

Loki rolled his eyes. "I'm thankful to be here with everyone, especially my wife, Darcy. Darcy, you're next."

Darcy groaned. "I'm thankful for you too. And for dinner. Um, Natasha, you go next."

The redheaded assassin sighed. "I'm thankful that no one tried to take over the city this year."

"I'll drink to that!" Tony cheered, raising his glass.

"Tony, your turn." Natasha grimaced.

"I'm thankful that Fury didn't figure out that I was the one who dyed all his clothes pink." Tony remarked. Then he paled, remembering that Fury was sitting only four seats away from him.

"I'm thankful that Stark confessed his crime and that I can pay him back now." Fury stated, his eyes glinting with amusement.

Tony swore under his breath.

"I'm thankful that Agent Coulson is still alive." Maria declared. "He's our best agent, thank you very much, Loki."

Loki rolled his eyes again.

"Who's next?" Maria continued, looking around the table.

"I went, Clint went, Thor went, Jane went, Darcy went, Tony went, Natasha went, Fury went, and Maria went." Loki counted. "That leaves Pepper, the son of Coul, Bruce, and... Steve!"

Pepper decided to go next. "I'm thankful that no supervillains tore down Stark Tower this year."

"I'll drink to that, Pepper!" Tony cheered again.

"I'm thankful that we finally got the cranberry sauce in a bowl." Bruce smiled, wiping a small streak of cranberry juice out of his hair.

"I'm thankful that I'm not dead." Coulson said, glaring at Loki. "No thanks to you."

Loki raised his hands in surrender.

"Steve's turn!" Clint crowed.

Steve blushed. "I'm thankful for this delicious dinner and the ability to eat it in peace with all of you."

"Here's to that!" Tony suggested another toast, which was immediately shot down by Pepper.

"Pie time!" Darcy cried. Pepper, Jane, and Darcy got up from the table and went into the kitchen. When they came out, each one was holding a giant pie.

"Apple, pecan, or pumpkin?" they offered each of the guests.

"All three." Thor demanded. The other men sheepishly asked for the same, but for smaller pieces than Thor.

The ladies sampled each of the three pies as well.

"This is delicious." Maria commented, taking her last bite of pumpkin pie. "All it needs is a dollop of whipped cream."

Pepper's hand flew to her mouth. "Oh, _that's_ what I forgot."

Later that night, Loki sat awake in bed with Darcy, talking about the day.

"This Midgardian holiday of yours is wonderful, love." Loki whispered, snuggling up to Darcy.

She chuckled. "Just wait until tomorrow, Loki."

"What's tomorrow?"

"Black Friday."

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><p><strong>Author's Note: Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!<strong>

**Sorry this story is a day late. I got so caught up in Thanksgiving preparations, that I didn't finish it until today (the day after Thanksgiving).**

**Love you all!**

**~Kate**


	2. Black Friday

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

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><p>Loki woke up to a <em>very<em> annoyingly beeping alarm clock. He opened one eye slightly and smashed his hand down on the bed stand, where the alarm clock usually sat. Unfortunately, it wasn't there.

Loki massaged a sore hand and opened his eyes. There it was, the alarm clock that _dared_ mock him, on the... celling?

"Barton!" Loki shrieked, throwing a nearby book at the air vent. The book broke the vent and hit something soft.

"Ow." a muffled voice called from the vent.

Loki rolled his eyes. Now, to stop the beeping...

Sighing, Loki jumped out of bed, only to be greeted with a bucket of cold water on his head. A sudden thought struck him. He cautiously climbed over to the other side of his bed and jumped out the same way. Nothing happened.

"This gives another meaning to the saying_, 'Waking up on the wrong side of the bed.' " _he mused to himself. Suddenly, the beeping alarm clock reminded him of his original mission.

Three stacks of chairs later, Loki was still nowhere near reaching the alarm clock.

"Barton, how did you get it up there?" Loki raged, throwing another book at the vent.

"Ouch! Stop that!" Clint screamed, poking his head out.

"Whatever, you lowly mortal." Loki stalked angrily out of his bedroom.

On his way out, he remembered that he was soaking wet. Growling, he retraced his steps back into the bedroom. This time, however, Clint was sitting on the bed, tinkering with something.

Clint heard footsteps in the room. Guiltily, he hid the stink bomb behind his back.

"Get. Out. Of. My. Room." Loki demanded. Clint needed no second urging; he ran out of the room like the Chitauri were after him.

Loki sighed. He could tell this would be a bad day. And he _knew_ it was about to get worse...

Darcy stirred a bowl of pancake mix in the kitchen of Stark Tower as she listened to her iPod. She smiled happily, remembering that today was Black Friday, and Loki had promised to go shopping with her.

Darcy poured the pancake mix on the hot griddle, making almost perfectly round pancakes. Suddenly, she felt two arms snake around her waist.

"Hello to you too." she giggled, kissing Loki on the cheek. "Pancakes good for you?"

Loki ran a hand through his damp hair. "Whatever you cook, I will eat."

"Good. Because I burned the pancakes just now." Darcy grimaced.

Loki scowled inside. He _hated_ burnt pancakes.

"Oh well." Darcy sighed, putting the burnt cakes on a plate. "Thor will eat them anyway."

Just then, Thor walked into the room, stuffing Pop-tarts into his mouth.

"Here you go, Thor." Darcy chirped. "A plate of hot pancakes."

Thor immediately abandoned the Pop-tarts and began wolfing down the pancakes. Darcy smiled at Loki.

"Lady Jane wants me to go shopping with her today." Thor announced happily. "What is 'Black Friday', Lady Darcy?"

"Um, Black Friday is the day after Thanksgiving and is a day when all the stores have big sales." Darcy explained.

Thor furrowed his brows in confusion. "I do not understand why it is called 'black.' "

"Neither do I." Darcy commented, playing with her wedding ring. "C'mon, Loki, let's go shopping!"

A very unwilling Loki allowed himself to be dragged to the mall by his strong-willed wife.

Thirty minutes later, Loki was dying of boredom. Darcy had found some friends to shop with her, namely Pepper, Jane, and Maria. Natasha had refused point-blank to go shopping. Jane had dragged Thor along as well, but he was actually enjoying the experience.

Loki rolled his eyes. _How much longer was Darcy expecting him to be here?_ he wondered to himself.

"Ooh. Someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed today." Darcy teased, plopping down on a nearby bench.

"You have no idea." Loki grumbled.

"C'mon, Loki. Loosen up a little. This could be fun for you!"

"Why are we here?" Loki complained. He hated crowds, and the Black Friday shoppers of New York City were no exception. Actually, this was one of the worst crowds Loki had ever seen in his life.

"Christmas shopping!" Darcy bounced excitedly on the bench.

"Is that so important to you to risk getting trampled?" Loki asked, gesturing to a particularly aggressive group of females clamoring for a deluxe Avengers memorabilia set.

Darcy stopped for a moment, pondering his question.

"Yes." she finally answered. "Besides, I like doing this."

"What for?" Loki sighed.

"You ended a sentence with a preposition!" a voice crowed behind Loki.

"Shut up, Barton." Loki growled. This was totally _not_ his day.

He turned around to face the archer. Clint waved cheekily.

"Someday, I am going to kill you, Barton." Loki warned.

"Meh." Clint waved the threat away. "You already tried that on me. And Coulson. And we're both still here."

"Hey Clint!" Darcy smiled. "Is Natasha here?"

"No. But I managed to drag all the guys out here! Including Fury." Clint announced proudly.

Loki looked behind Clint to see Tony kissing Pepper, Bruce studying a bookstore, Steve giving his autograph to some ogling fangirls, and Fury talking on his phone.

Three hours later, all the guys except Clint were ready to go. Unfortunately for them, the girls wanted to keep shopping.

Fury pretended to get a call from Coulson.

"Hello?"

Silence.

"Oh, Agent Coulson."

Silence.

"Do you need me to come to the office right now?"

Silence.

"I'll be there in ten."

Fury hung up.

"I have to go now everyone, bye!" Fury all but ran out of the mall.

Just then, Loki spotted Agent Phil Coulson in the crowd. He grinned evilly.

"Hello everyone." Coulson panted. "Is Fury here?"

"He just left." Jane replied. "He said he got a call from you, telling him to meet you back at the office."

Phil scowled.

Loki snickered slightly. Suddenly, a wave of fangirls swept toward the Avengers.

"Run!" Clint screamed, trying to escape them.

Luckily for Loki, the fangirls only went after the actual Avengers, and not him. By the time the storm had settled, Coulson and Loki were the only men in the group.

"Well, this is certainly awkward." Loki stammered, trying to make conversation.

"Indeed." Coulson snapped.

Five hours later, Loki stumbled into Stark Tower carrying fifteen bags of clothes and gifts. Coulson arrived on his heels in the same manner.

Loki zombie-walked to his bedroom and flopped on the bed, staring blankly at the ceiling.

Beep.

Beep.

Beep.

Beep.

Beep.

"Argh!" Loki screamed, throwing a book at the alarm clock.

Someone snickered from the air vents.

"Barton!" Loki howled.


End file.
